Violence against women is about the control and coercion of them. It is a significant problem all around: and in some parts of the world, violence is taken to another level: including female genital mutilation, child marriage/forced marriage, dowry-related murder, honor killings, female infanticide, chauvinism, and trafficking with women. But violence has many forms: until this day, many still believe that if they aren’t psychically hurt, they aren’t experimenting abuse, but they are. The most common forms, are:
physical such as punching, kicking, choking, stabbing, mutilation, disabling..
sexual such as rape, any unwanted touching or act of a sexual nature, forced prostitution and obscene talk
verbal/psychological such as threats to harm the children, destruction of favourite clothes or photographs, repeated insults meant to demean and erode self-esteem, forced isolation from friends and relatives, threats of further violence or deportation if the woman attempts to leave.
stalking such as persistent and unwanted attention, following and spying, monitoring of mail or conversations......

L i v i n g . I n . F e a r

Sexual assaults often occur in contexts in which the abuser is in a position of trust in relation to the person assaulted, such as a husband, father, other relative, doctor, coach, religious advisor, teacher, friend, employer, or date- among others. The majority of sexual assaults are committed by a man known to the victim who is likely to use verbal pressure, tricks and/or threats during an assault. Two-thirds of sexual assaults occur in a private home. 43% of women in one study reported at least one incident of unwanted sexual touching, forced or attempted forced sexual intercourse, or being forced to perform other acts of a sexual nature before the age of 16.. and I am included in that percentage.

Only 10% of sexual assaults on women are reported to the police.

But this isn’t the only thing limiting many women’s lives: there is the fear of being abused or assaulted: Forty-two percent of women feel "totally unsafe" walking in their own neighborhood after dark, and over 37% of women, are even worried about being in their own homes alone in the night.

g l o b a l . V u l n e r a b i l i t y

All women are vulnerable to violence, but some are more than others.: Young women and female children are highly vulnerable to sexual assault. persons under 18 represent 60% of all sexual assault victims. Women under 25 are also at greatest risk of being killed by their male partners.
Violence against women crosses socioeconomic lines: low-income women may be more often trapped in abusive relationships because of a lack of financial resources for housing and income support. For Inuit women and others, "The virtual absence of alternative housing arrangements often forces women and children to stay in dangerous and potentially deadly situations. But also, * high class* women live under a different kind of violence and stress: sometimes, the ideal of a perfect home/body/presence, forces them to do many things they don’t want to, and cope with male aggression/humiliation. In any case, you are vulnerable if you are poor, mild or rich.

In addition to racist violence, women working in certain occupations are also more vulnerable to violence. For example, foreign domestic workers work for low wages isolated in private homes and are vulnerable to threats of deportation if they complain of physical or sexual abuse. They are often unaware of their legal rights or of services. Other occupations in which women are very vulnerable to workplace violence are health care workers and women in the military. All women in subordinate positions are vulnerable to sexual harassment in the workplace, and women in male-dominated occupations may be subject to workplaces that are hostile toward women. Women working in the sex trade are at enormous risk of sexual and physical assault, ongoing abuse, and murder. They receive the least amount of support due to the stigma surrounding prostitution, and the belief that prostitution is a "lifestyle" decision. This ignores the fact that almost all young women who end up in the sex trade are fleeing abusive homes, and that economic options for young women on their own are minimal.


v i o l e n c e . A g a i n s t . M e n


Contrary of what many might think, I am not a feminist, nor think that men are guilty of every woman’s problem. Some women believe that violence is biological for men, and they are just *driven* to it. If this was real, it would be imperative in men and all would be violent- and they aren’t. Many men are decent, loving, responsible and respectful people who do not harm women. To understand the problem, we must understand the various factors involved in the socialization of boys. Many boys are goaded into proving their "masculinity" through acts of violence and a lack of compassion. Violent role models for boys, such as wrestlers, boxers, war heroes, action figures, outnumber peaceful, responsible and caring ones. Weak, insecure men sometimes feel they have to control others, especially women, in order to be a "real man". But this is slowly starting to fade away.
Violence and abuse within a relationship, is also a crime when the woman ins the aggressor. Many women might think that if they don’t * physically damage him* they aren’t abusing. But they are. Female violence is, any behavior adopted by a woman in order to control your life, which causes physical, sexual or psychological damage- sometimes even causing you to live in fear and guilt.


Physical and sexual violence are usually the most common forms: pushing, biting, punching, throwing objects.. women know many men wouldn’t respond to their aggressions, and they take advantage of this. Other usual forms of abuse are: destroying your possessions, insulting/humiliating in public, lying, isolating you from your friends/family, blackmail etc. Sometimes, this behaviors tend to be *excused* as a way of expressing love, jealousy and care, and they even consider them * ordinary relationship problems* the truth is, you deserve to live and love, free from any kind of violence. If you’ve been in a violent relationship, you’ve sure experienced fear, been afraid to leave her, been frustrated, sad, afraid you have failed as a lover, and in some cases, even made to believe you deserve it. And this, guys, isn’t normal. Isn’t supposed to be *ordinary* at all.

To analyze your situation and feel better, it may be helpful to look at some of the ways you've coped until now: you have been careful about what you say, when you say things and how you say them. You have tried to talk to her about her stress, drug use or moods. You have given up doing anything likely to upset her. You adapt your behavior to what she says she wants. You tried to make agreements or set boundaries. So please, give yourself credit for what you’ve tried and remember: a relationship requires two, in order to function. Never think her violence is your fault. You may believe you are equally responsible for your partner's violence BUT you are not to blame. All violence has damaging consequences. Your belief in your worth and your sense of having rights and choices becomes eroded by constant abuse. You have a right to be safe - Violence is unacceptable: no excuses. And this is for the ladies too: * oh he had a traumatic childhood* * he is oppressed * and so on, aren’t logical excuses. And the ultimate worst thing you can do, is believe you can change her/him – please, when you are in a relationship, you play a *give and take* with your partner, true. but completely changing their personality/behavior/habits is totally utopic rather than realistic. Chances are, it will just drive you both mad. If you feel the urge to change every bit of your partner, why are you in that relationship in the first place?

T h e . F a c t s

The truth is, most victims of abuse never say a word.
Some women and girls don't recognize date or marital rape as sexual assault. Some, feel responsible in some way for the assault as a result of believing myths that women who are sexually assaulted "deserve it". Some actually fear not being believed, being ridiculed, being alienated from the group to which they and the offender might belong (family, place of worship, school, etc.) and shame at having been violated - not wanting anyone to know. They can also experiment fear of further violence by the offender if they tell. Sometimes It is because they have a low self esteem, feeling she deserves some kind of punishment- or they even get so emotionally attached living a life of “for better or worse” they also feel embarrassed, that they are to blame for the violence, and guilty for a bad marriage/relationship.

this are the results of violence and silence:

• On average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends every day. In 2000, 1,247 women were killed by an intimate partner. The same year, 440 men were killed by an intimate partner.
• Pregnant and recently pregnant women are more likely to be victims of homicide than to die of any other cause , and evidence exists that a significant proportion of all female homicide victims are killed by their intimate partners.
• homicide is the leading cause of death overall for pregnant women, followed by cancer, acute and chronic respiratory conditions, motor vehicle collisions and drug overdose, peripartum and postpartum cardiomyopthy, and suicide.
• In a national survey of more than 6,000 American families, 50 percent of the men who frequently assaulted their wives also frequently abused their children.
• Slightly more than half of female victims of intimate violence live in households with children under age 12.
• Studies suggest that between 3.3 - 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually.

20 percent of women reported she had been raped or physically or sexually assaulted in her lifetime.

• Nearly one-fifth of women (18 percent) reported experiencing a completed or attempted rape at some time in their lives; one in 33 men (three percent) reported experiencing a completed or attempted rape at some time in their lives.
• In 2000, 48 percent of the rapes/sexual assaults committed against people age 12 and over were reported to the police.
• In 2001, 41,740 women were victims of rape/sexual assault committed by an intimate partner.
• Rapes/sexual assaults committed by strangers are more likely to be reported to the police than rapes/sexual assaults committed by “nonstrangers,” including intimate partners, other relatives and friends or acquaintances. Between 1992 and 2000, 41 percent of the rapes/sexual assaults committed by strangers were reported to the police. During the same time period, 24 percent of the rapes/sexual assaults committed by an intimate were reported.
• Eighty percent of women who are stalked by former husbands are physically assaulted by that partner and 30 percent are sexually assaulted by that partner.
And the list goes on.
Most of the time, words.. harm more than a fist. Especially if it is coming from someone you love. And because you love him/her doesn’t mean you have to put up with his/her crap. I know this doesn’t sound very polite, but it is the best way of putting it: when someone throws stuff at you, is usually because the same happened to that person: growing up with some form of abuse. It is a vicious chain, a big, ugly chain we are “bound” to repeat with others we love.. without noticing it.


H o w . t o . S u p p o r t

• Do not blame the victim, assure her that the assault was not her fault. Questions or comments such as, “How did you get yourself in that situation?,” “Why were you there?,” or “You should have known better,” only blame the victim when the responsibility should be placed on the offender.
• Listen. Often the best way to be of help to the victim is to be there for them as they grieve and sort through what has happened.
• Offer support. Let the victim know that you are available to help them. She may feel better having you accompany her to the police department or clinic, or you may be able to help her cook a meal or take care of children while she obtains legal or medical counsel as she works through her feelings and decides what to do next.
•Respect the victim’s decision. Be educated about the services available to victims of violence and refer victims to professionals. Keep in mind that the victim may not choose the option you might take if you were assaulted. Instead of trying to convince the victim to take a certain path, help her to know her options and respect her decisions while she tries to heal and recover. Everyone copes differently. Remember, the victim is in the best position to decide what option is best for her.

we CAN detect violence, and we CAN stop it.

Of course it isn’t like a walk through the park: it takes time and effort, but time is all we’ve got to try over and over, and let our wounds heal.
If you are living any form of violence, please, speak up. The worst you can do, is NOT doing anything. Silence, is the most accurate killer. We shouldn’t be letting them get away with it.
And count with me. you might think *why does this girl feels like she is able to help me?* well, I’ve experience both: physical and emotional abuse. I know how it feels, how it eats you in the inside and how hard it is to stand up and say/do something. I was a victim of abuse through many, many years of my life, until I gathered the guts to say: No more. that is the main reason I work for social causes, and I've seen so many cases of home violence.. it is depressing.

If you have any questions regarding this topic or other, ask for my e-mail through a note.
and I'll do my best to help.